The living and Dying in ¾ Time Boys hang out at Buster’s where they rant, rave, declare, pronounce, prognosticate, lie and if they don’t quit chasing those younger women, most likely die, sipping cold cervezas and tequila at ¾ time. Seldom however, would what they do be considered pondering, but today must have been an exception. Perhaps it was the tequila.
“Guys I’ve been thinking,” announced Ronny.
“Oh, this ought to be good. Let’s hear it from the South Carolina Socrates,” laughed Giles.
“Naw, seriously, I decided something. I decided I ain’t takin’ no chances with this whole end of the world, Mayan mambo jambo thing,” Ronny declared. “December 21st, I’m taking the day off and me, Rosie and that chubby little cousin of her’s, can’t remember her name … anyway, we’re gonna grab a couple bottles of tequila and go out to Uvero, shoots us up a bunch of lobster, get drunk, eat, and play Tarzan and his two Janes like there ain’t no tomorrow. Hey, if by some chance there ain’t, this guy is going out with a big smile on his face.”
Buster laughed and said, “I’m not too worried Ronny. Hell, I haven’t found many things a Mayan can get right yet, so I’m not too concerned with them calling something like the end of the world as we know it.”
“Careful you’re sounding a lot like the ugly American there big boy,” chimed in Giles.
“You know I love the Mayans, sweetest people I have ever met for that matter. But they are more like cavemen with cell phones and that’s what the Mexicans say, not me. All those yoyos on my construction crew are Mayans and hell, they can’t even get a door opening built right, after I tell them FIVE TIMES. I told Nicko to make a door opening 84” high, FIVE TIMES, and he made it 48” high. Who makes a door 48” high? Even Nicko couldn’t walk under it! No, I’ll sleep like a baby the night of December 21st. Calling the end of the world, are you kidding me. Half the time Nicko can’t even tell you what day of the week it is.”
“Look who is talking, Mr. no cell phone-no clock-no watch guy,” piped in Rick. “Anyone asks you what day of the week it is, you always say it is Carnival Dream Day or Disney Magic Day. Like today, there is no ship. Quick, what is today Buster?”
“Buster thought for a few seconds and then said, “Sunday. No wait, it’s Monday, because the Norwegian Star is in tomorrow. Yes, Monday.”
“I rest my case. You’re as dumb as a Mayan” laughed Rick.
“Come on Buster,” said Jiles. “You know you think the world of Nicko and his guys,”
“ I do. All of them are great guys but they are dumb as a stump. You know, Mayans were supposed to have understood and developed gravity plumbing. Well, there is no way I’m buying that. I’ve had to run off every plumber in town, most of the time for doing dumb things like running drains uphill. BASIC GRAVITY PLUMBING! And Giles, before you say it, great guys, but they can’t plumb for crap!”
“Hey, I’m with you on that Buster,” said Ronny. “This whole thing about not flushing the toilet paper they do here makes no sense. You would think if they had been such great plumbers 1500 years ago, we’d at least be able to flush toilet paper in 2012 for Christ’s sake. Hey, I’m just sayin’ it okay. Don’t look at me like that either Giles. ”
Ernie, used the slowly dying laughter to throw in his usual deep and over-thought 3 cents worth. “We’ll I like to cover all my bases no matter, so I’ve been reading up on all this. As I understand it, everyone who is in the magic Mayan kingdom here, actually survive this and kinda live on in some Mayan utopia. You know, that whole overused “the meek shall inherit the earth” motif. Oh jeeze, show me a religion that hasn’t dragged that one out. No biggie for me though either way. With the exception of the few days a week I come in town and hang with the gringos from the cruise ships, I pretty much live that way now anyway. Don’t have much to do with the outside world anymore.”
“So that satellite dish you have on top of your casita is not the outside world? You think the Mayans will be able to keep that going for you?” laughed Buster.
“Oh, sure, I’d have to give up a few things; TV, Capitan Crunch, stuff like that. But that’s okay. Sitting around in loin clothes and banana leaves, drinking coconut wine and eating lobster doesn’t sound like a bad way to ride this place out actually. Oh, and for the record Mr. Construction, Nicko’s dyslexic and his guys are dumb not because they are Mayan, they are dumb because they are construction guys, just like you and the yoyos you had back in the states. I think I’ll be a bit more respectful of the Mayans and their beliefs myself, and you should too, just in case. They might not share their coconut wine with you come December 22nd.”
“Ouch! Shoot me when I need it amigo,” laughed Buster.
With that, Giles raised his tequila glass and said, “Well boys, here is to political incorrectness, coconut wine and to the good old days of flushing toilet paper down the toilet. Saludos!” And with that they all raised their glasses and knocked down the last of their tequilas.
And so it goes when you are livin’ and dyin’ in ¾ time!