The ship had been in port for an hour or so and Buster was enjoying his last coffee before the day’s guest would be arriving for their big day of Costa Maya fun at Buster’s on the Beach! All seemed like just another day in paradise, but by the time he had finished his coffee, he noticed something a bit different about the tourists who were trickling into town. At first he couldn’t put his finger on what exactly was different but then it finally dawned on him, there were no men anywhere. Now Buster is not the smartest guy in the world but he also didn’t fall off the Jalapeño truck yesterday either. Duh, today’s ship was obviously a lesbian cruise. Nothing but ladies as far as the eye could see. Plenty of sports logo shirts covering beer bellies, ball caps and loud mouths, just none attached to any men, so it seemed a bit strange. He also noticed this particular group of ladies were especially frugal and seemed to easily ignore the usual gimmicks and antics the locals used to entice tourist into their businesses. In other words, it looked like a long slow day ahead. He walked over to Kiko, the dumbest waiter in all of Mexico and one that Buster kept around more as a mascot than an actual waiter, and said, “These lesbians don’t look anything like the ones in the movies. Got a gimmick that works for cheap, ugly women?”
“No say. What do lesbians like to eat. Maybe we do special.”
“Kiko, lesbians eat what everyone else eats. I don’t think sexuality and diet have much to do with each other.” And with that, Buster began one of his long sermons on why all people were the same, and science says this and that, and quickly Kiko began to get that far-away look in his eye, so Buster decided it best to just shut up.
“I don’t know about that Senior Buster, but I know one thing. Lesbians eat lots of pooosy!”
Buster roared with laughter and shook his head at Kiko. “Now you’re thinking Kiko. Keep it simple! How about you make the special of the day, tacos de pooosy. That is too funny, you loco! Look, this looks like a slow day, so I’m going down to the hardware store to get a new water line for the sink in the ladies room. I’ll be right back and see if you can sell some of those tacos while I’m gone.” And with that, Buster headed for Don Cheby’s hardware store, still laughing and thinking about Kiko’s tacos de pooosy.
As usual, Don Cheby turned what should have been a five minute simple transaction into an hour long ordeal. Don Cheby was a straight shooting, always fair and honest business man who also happened to be a cranky, cantankerous old poop as well. A trip to his store meant you had to argue over what part was right, endure his yelling and cussing at his employees and to listen as he went on and on about his family and especially his grandkids. He always had pictures! He was a very proud papa but on this day he was also a very drunk papa, so the process took even longer than usual. But an hour later, Buster emerged from the store with the new water line and way more than he cared to know of Don Cheby’s previous night on the town. Nothing is fast in Mexico.
As Buster turned the corner in front of his place, what he saw caused him to stop for one of those heart stopping, WTF moments. He stared in amazement at his beach, completely full of women circled around a guitar player and one massive head that stuck out from the center of the group. He cautiously walked up to the “La Bamba” singing and dancing group and was shocked to notice at the center of the group, sitting on the lap of the large headed woman, was Kiko, singing along and pouring tequila for the choir.
“Hola Senior Buster” yelled Kiko so that he could be heard above the crowd. “I got da whole Dykes on Bikes motorcycle gang, Omaha Chapter, here wanting tacos de pooosy. Dis’ Virginia Slim, she da hefe.”
Buster, seldom at a loss for words, stood stunned, not quite sure what to say. Finally, it was beginning to make sense what had happened. He turned to see the chalkboard where the daily specials were always posted and there it was, “Especial de Hoy; Tacos de Pooosy”. Shock was the only thing that registered in Buster’s head. Virginia Slim tossed Kiko to the side and lifted her massive frame from the struggling chair. She reached out and shook Buster’s hand with the death grip of a pipe fitter, and said laughing, “Please to meet you Buster. Great place you got here and I gotta tell you, I just love this little fellow Kiko. Cracks me up. I saw that sign and I says to him “what the hell are tacos de pooosy and you know what he said to me.? He said, ‘we no really got tacos de pooosy. But we got fish tacos, smell and taste the same.’ Oh my God, I never laughed so hard in all my life. So I said, girls, let’s stay here for the day and eat tacos de pooosy with Kiko!”
And that is just what they did and a great time was had by all. As it turned out, the Dykes on Bikes, Omaha Chapter, were a fun bunch of gals. The Livin’ and Dyin’ in ¾ Time boys all stopped in and entertained as usual, and of course, Ronny tried to pick up one of the ladies. He can’t help it, it is his nature too. She was a good sport though and gave him her email as a consolation prize. The ladies asked the same old questions and Buster told the same stupid stories. They drank a bit more than the “normal” tourists, laughed a bit more and all had a bit more fun than normal with these “abnormal” ladies. Oh yea, and Buster also sold more fish tacos than normal!